If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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