K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
