Bisexual people are plain selfish.
In America we eat man semen.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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