i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
