this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
is that a dick in a sweater?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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