super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
