In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
