so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
