i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
