She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
