it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize