6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
