I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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