sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
