just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
