Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
