First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
