so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
