You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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