Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
