I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
