After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Drake has all the answers
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
