I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
