I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
