btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The best revenge is premature balding
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
