rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
