I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
