i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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