theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
