My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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