yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
In other news, I just burned my penis
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
