Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
