Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I intend to get homeless drunk
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
