honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
