whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
