How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
