Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
The best revenge is premature balding
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
