Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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