I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
North Korea, Best Korea!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
