cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
