She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I forget how to act sober
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
