A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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