And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
