If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
