You made me cry and you don't even care
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
