Define "chronic" masturbator.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The beer is more important than you right now.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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