OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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