oh god the rape fog is back!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
