I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
