We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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