Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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