can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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