i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
