I wish I only lived at night.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He better not be in your backpack
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
