I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
