We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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