Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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