so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
