You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize