When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
