No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
