Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize