my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
