weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
