I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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