The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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